Disney and Jon Favreau are Making a Live-Action Version of "The Lion King"
If you haven’t heard yet, Disney has once again enlisted the help of Jon Favreau to remake one of its classics, The Lion King, as a live-action movie. As an avid Disney fan, I’m not on board with this at all. The only positive that can possibly come out of this is that the original cartoon movie will be available on Netflix for a short time in the lead up to the premiere of the new version. Aside from that, I don’t see how this movie can work or even come close to living up to the original. Not to mention, you can’t call a movie “live-action” if every character is a CGI created animal, unless Favreau somehow plans to train hundreds of real wild animals and surgically implant human vocal chords into all of them. PETA has a stick up its butt, though, and would never allow that. Hey, PETA, ever heard of art or making children smile? Relax.
Even if Disney gives Favreau enough money to actually use real animals for the movie, how does he plan to film the major scenes?
The Opening - “Circle of Life”:
The logistics of getting every wild animal in Tanzania to cooperate and stand next to each other for an extended period of time would require an excessive number of tasers and tranquilizers, but no production studio would pony up the budget to make that happen. Not even Disney. That’s not even taking into account how difficult it would be to manage the intricate predator-prey relationships that exist. Then, there’s the difficulty of controlling the baboon that plays Rafiki. Good luck convincing a baboon to listen to you, Mr. Favreau. If there’s one thing I know to be true in this world, BABOONS ARE ASSHOLES.
Scar Kills Mufasa:
Dropping a full grown endangered animal off of a cliff won’t fly with anyone except heartless poachers. This whole scene would straight up be impossible to film. I can’t even imagine how many lion cubs would be killed during the wildebeest stampede. That’s not exactly bonus footage that you can throw on the DVD/Blu-ray extras.
Nala and Simba Reunite:
No way this scene is possible IRL. Lions don’t spend time getting to know each other. Lions don’t flirt. Lions don’t rope swing. Lions aren’t gentle. Lions get it done quick. All business. The male lion mounts kitty-style, the female lion hates all 10 seconds of it, and then they spoon and fall asleep. There’s no chance that enough footage could be captured to span the entirety of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” without filling some time with the horrified looks of an optimistic meerkat and warthog.
When it comes down to it, I really don’t care about this movie. It’s a mistake and will definitely suck. Besides, Toy Story 4 comes out in 2018 and that’s all that really matters. To quote my main man, Woody, “Somebody’s poisoned the water hole”, which perfectly expresses how I feel about all these Disney remakes.
