WARNING: Do Not Bring Up the Election on Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is almost here and I couldn’t be more excited to stuff my mouth with disgusting amounts of food, momentarily think about pulling the trigger after I finish eating, and then sink into a food coma to watch football for the rest of my life. Because that’s what Thanksgiving is all about. You quickly catch up with relatives while you snack on too much cheese, then you make a plate and fill your stomach way past maximum capacity, and you spend the remainder of the day watching football while little kids run around like maniacs in your periphery. It truly is heaven.
So why ruin such an incredible day of thanks this year by bringing up the election? DON’T DO IT. Heed my warning: I forbid anyone to mention the election on Thanksgiving, year 2016, as the consequences of doing so will be drastic and swift. Failure to abide by this warning will result in a fit of rage yet to be seen in this solar system, similar to the rage blackouts that Summer Roberts suffered from as a teenager. I need not explain further, as I have provided ample notice to the citizens of the United States of America, most specifically my relatives.
If you make the mistake of getting stuck eating cheese and crackers alone with an aunt or uncle and they attempt to bring up the election, make sure to have this queued up on your phone:
Michael Gary Scott is always there for us when we need him most. Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.
